Being still

Being still isn’t easy it takes patience, trusting God, and a bit of faith in order to do it well. It sheds light on who you really are instead of this constant high of rush in things going our own way. It also reveals our weakness and areas that we need to ask God for His help. In 2019 was a year of being still. I’m not saying I did it well in fact I did terrible. If it was not for the grace of God I would have failed! I still tried to open doors of where I shouldn’t have. I still took detours that took me further back. But then I had breakthroughs, if it was not for me trying to see what doors were opened I would of never known what doors were no good for me and it would have not of lead me to where it did. I went to a conference in 2019 to share my testimony. It was to see if my story could be used for the ministry they did. I never got a call back after sharing my story, I even followed up and got delayed responses. In the Same year I went to volunteer at a local rehab to get hours for my counseling in training certification just to find myself being walked out of the door within 30 minutes of my first day volunteering because the director did not know that I was a volunteer. These were hard moments for me, I felt the sting of rejection. But then even in those rejections God guided me. He was shaping me and directing me to His will in my life. God was working for my good. Within the same year I was asked to speak at another church and I was given information to become a peer support before I left the rehab I was volunteering at. At first I didn’t see what God was doing when it was mentioned to me but later I applied and was accepted to the core training early in 2020. I didn’t even know what that was before. It turned out that not only did I qualify but I would only have to work 500 hours before testing for my certification instead of working 2,000 hours before being able to test for my certification. Sometimes we make our work for The Lord harder than it is. I have learned looking back the harder the rejection, the longer the wait, the deeper the pain, the greater the purpose. During all of this waiting I had a desire I was trying to drown by serving God. I longed for another child for years. I had a miscarriage in 2014, it was another pain that felt like rejection and I held onto it for years. My husband and I tried to adopt in 2018, I thought well maybe this is what I am supposed to do. However, the adoption fell through. But still God was working it out for my good. I remember listening to a Christian radio station during 2020 New Years and the topic discussed was what would be your New Years resolution? I cried out to God and told him that all of my dreams and what I thought I would do died. I needed Jesus to give me a new dream. I didn’t know that I was pregnant. Within another week or two I found out. The next month I heard my baby boy’s heart beat in February, the same month that I miscarried in 2014 and the same month the adoption feel through in 2018. I’ll admit, yes I was nervous but so thankful to God when I heard it. My son is 5 month’s old now. How great is our God!!! God is always working out things for our good, Romans 8:28 even in being still and when it doesn’t seem like it’s going how we think it should go. Remember my friends sometimes God’s no today is for a better yes later! He is always for us never against us.

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